Enjoying Marriage, Not Enduring
I awoke to the smell of the wonderful smell of scrambled eggs. And I smiled in happiness. Jun is cooking breakfast early in the morning for the first time and it’s a Monday!
Flashback two days earlier: I was crying on the phone to him. I was cranky for not having a good night’s sleep for a week. I just felt burned out.
I had accepted an online transcription job. It took every ounce of my patience not to take everything personally. Like when Elle, my toddler wants nothing but “kugos” (carrying), or when she refuses to nap for at least an hour in the afternoon, or when she would rather play until nine o’clock in the evening. All these things I didn’t mind when I didn’t have a deadline to beat. When I asked for Jun’s help, he simply said I just need to manage my time properly. I convulsed. My eyes rolled uncontrollably, my nostrils and ears steamed, and I was incoherent for a few minutes.
I knew I have an anger management issue. I was just in denial.
Thanks to Mark Gungor’s funny marriage seminar video, I remembered that men has to be asked at least twice. I made sure I asked Jun’s help every day for the past week, in different wordings. By Saturday time, I told him unequivocally that he has to “take care of Elle 5-9 pm” and “make breakfast”. When all I got from him was “manage your time properly”, that was when I exploded. I bawled like a baby on the phone (he was doing OT and I was home, feeling victimized).
Me: Gikapoy na kayo ko Jun! (I feel so worn out!) *bawled
Jun: Dili man ka kinhanglan masuko… (You don’t have to be upset)
Me: Wala man ko nasuko! Gikapoy lang ko kayo! (I’m not upset. I’m just worn out) *bawled again
Jun: Sagdi lang gud, ga adjust pa man ta. One week pa baya pud. (We’ll be okay. We’re still on the adjustment phase)
Me: Nganong dili man ka mubantay kay Elle lagi ug 5-9 pm ug dili pa jud mu luto breakfast?! Kapoy na kayo! (Why can’t you watch over Elle 5-9? And you never cook bearkfast!) *not crying by this time, some of the pressures in my chest was gone.
Jun: Niingon ba diay ko nga dili? I just said nga you have to properly manage your time. (I didn’t tell you that I won’t do it. It’s just that I think you need to manage your time well)
Me: Oh…. **feeling my face cracked in a smile. Conversation got cut off because Elle wants to join in the ruckus. Elle got the phone and said “hello, Jun?” and I heard Jun say, “Elle, you take care of your mama ha….”. Of course, my heart melted.)
How to make Men do things they DON’T like to do:
- Ask him more than once. If they don’t do it after being asked, ask a second time…and a third time. The point is, ask them until they agree to do so. The reason why women refuse to ask the second time is that they don’t like to ask in the first place. Wives think that husbands should do it in their own volition if they really love their wives. Guess what, men just don’t think that way. Remember, they ask help not because they want to know if you love them. They ask help if they are really helpless and need help. You can’t just rewire their thinking just because they’re married. They actually think they are actually showing you some confidence by not helping.
- Do not insult them to make them do what you’re asking. That only works for women. Remember they are men. Think like them to get your way. They prefer praises. They prefer to feel that they are doing something very important for you that make you happy, as opposed to doing something that they were forced to do because you insult them.
- Define unequivocally what kind of help you want. That way, men could measure their achievement. They like to feel accomplished to feel good about what they are doing (note: they do not feel good about helping for helping’s sake). And don’t skimp on the praises.
- Offer a reward when all else fails. You know men’s weakness? Sex. Some of you may ask yourself “wouldn’t that make me like a prostitute?” Well, he’s your husband. When Jun, my husband was high with fever and having chills, I excitedly brought him fermented oregano extracts. He refused to drink it. Just because. Nothing can make him drink it. I eyed the hanger on the wall (that I used on Elle when she disobeys)—-useless. You can just imagine my anger and frustrations at his refusal to drink something that is good for him. I just don’t see the logic. How hard can drinking an oregano be? Then I remember Mark Gungor’s advice. And I looked him in the eyes and said, “if you drink this, unlimited sex”. Oh, you should have seen the twinkle in his eyes and the smile. It worked.
If you want to laugh your way to learning on how to make your husbands do what you want them to do, watch this link of Mark Gungor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY24RS7Qfa0
Fast forward
With the new set-up, Jun and Elle is able to enjoy each other’s company at 5-9 pm with no frills. I would hear them talking, Elle shrieking in happiness, etc. Elle is enjoying her dad’s company so much. Elle has welcomed Jun in her secret world too. Her love tank, like my love tank, is overflowing.
Date Written: August 15, 2016
